


Drunk On You

by babypieandwhiskey



Series: Drunk on You [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 01:06:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16822048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babypieandwhiskey/pseuds/babypieandwhiskey
Summary: Dean meets Jo’s childhood best friend at a bonfire.  There's drama between Jo and the Reader that results.  Dean and Reader’s relationship plays out.  Will it survive the drama or will the drama be the end of them?





	1. Drunk On You

**Author's Note:**

> Song inspiration: Drunk on You-Luke Bryan, Album: Tailgates & Tanlines

Drunk On You

“I don’t know about this Jo. I’d much rather just take a bath and call it an early night, then to go stand around in some cornfield in the middle of nowhere,” you protest hoping that Jo will just give up.

“Come on, Y/N. You could use a night out and I hear this bonfire is going to be off the charts. Besides, I know there will be a least a few hotties there and you could do with having a little fun.”

“A few hotties, huh?” you say smirking at Jo.

“Definitely. Got confirmation with my own eyes and ears,” Jo replied, elbowing you in the side. “So come on, let’s get you out of those sweats and into something sexy.”

You laugh. “Yeah, something sexy, ok, sure. Have you seen my closet?” You ask sarcastically.

“Yes, just trust me.” Jo walks over to your closet. Grabs your boots, your favorite pair of jeans, a white camisole and your blue and green plaid flannel shirt and throws them at your bed.

“You have got to be kidding. I thought you said this bonfire was like a party not like going to the stables.” You question Jo’s fashion sense.

“Like I said, just trust me. Hurry up, I don’t want to get there after all the good parking spots are taken.” Jo says as she checks her phone for text messages.

Even though you want to dig through your closet for something more party worthy, you decide to trust Jo. You have been friends with her since grade school and has never steered you wrong before. You change into the clothes she laid out.

As you are curling your hair and touching up your makeup, you notice Jo continually checking her cell. “Ok, what gives?”

“Huh?” Jo asks.

“Who’s the guy? I know you aren’t seeing anyone right now, but you have checked your phone at least a few dozen times in the last 10 minutes. So spill…” you ask, wanting some gossip to keep your mind occupied.

“Oh, um, no it’s, it’s not like that.” Jo stumbles over her words.

“Oh, Jo, sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.” you apologize.

“No it’s okay, you’re right. There is a guy, it’s just I don’t think he sees me like that.” Jo says with disappointment.

“That sucks. He doesn’t know what he is missing.” You attempt to cheer her up.

“Yeah, I guess…” Jo replied uncertainly.

“I know. That’s what tonight is about. We are going to go to this bonfire and find one of those hotties and by the time you leave, you won’t even remember what’s his name.” you say excited to have a reason to go to the bonfire.

“Yeah. Okay.” Jo says and rolls her eyes.

“I’ll drive since I know where we are going,” Jo suggests.

“I’ll take shotgun, but I get to pick the music.” You can’t stand that pop music all the girls her age are listening to lately.

“Fine,” Jo grumbles as she sits into the driver's seat.

Jo heads out of town and turns down first a gravel road, then a dirt path. You are about to ask her if she is lost when you start to see light up ahead.

“Looks like we aren’t the first ones here. That’s good.” Jo says pulling up to the circle of cars and trucks.

She pulls into an empty spot in the field looking towards a giant bonfire and turns her car off. She checks her phone again.

“Okay, that’s it.” You say jokingly as you snag her phone from her hand. “You can have this back later.” You slide the phone into your back jean pocket with yours.

“Ugh, you are so frustrating sometimes, Y/N.” Jo moans in protest. “Fine, let’s go grab a drink.”

You start walking over towards the kegs to grab a beer and you feel your pants pocket vibrate, several times in a row. 

“What the hell, seriously?” you say annoyed.

Jo turns around and looks at you. “Hey, can you grab me a beer? This will only take a minute,” you ask Jo. She nods her head yes and walks over to the keg.

You walk to the outside of the ring of vehicles and pull both phones from your pocket. Yours doesn’t have any new messages. You check Jo’s. Yep, four new messages. You open her texts to find they are all from someone listed as Dean. Great. This must be that guy she was talking about. 

You don’t even take the time to read the messages as you know Jo will be back any minute with your beer. You just send a reply to Dean. “Hey, this is Jo’s friend, Y/N. She is at a bonfire having fun. And if I have to guess from the way the night is going so far and the guys that are here, she won’t be home until mid-morning tomorrow at the earliest. So chill out.” You put Jo’s phone on silent and slide it back into your pocket.

As you are doing so Jo walks up and hands you your beer. “What was that about, Y/N?”

“Oh just some jerk who can’t take a hint. It’s okay, all’s good though. Let’s have some fun.” You respond smiling.

You head back into the ring of headlights and look around at all of the people there. “Wow, this is starting to be quite a turnout. I didn’t expect nearly this many people to come out here for a bonfire.” You say a little surprised.

“Oh, this is nothing. The nights getting started and the real party hasn’t even started yet,” says Jo taking a sip of her beer.

You look around and realize, there are no hot guys anywhere here. All of the guys look like country bumpkins. “Um, Jo, where are those hotties you were talking about? I don’t see anyone here even slightly fitting that description.” You say accusingly.

“No worries, Y/N. It’s still early. They will be here.” Jo reassures you. You take a sip of your beer. Whoa! That’s crown in your cup, not beer. You hope that she is right otherwise this could turn out to be a total downer.

Just then, Country Girl by Luke Bryan starts booming through the speakers of a nearby truck. “No way! Come on Jo! We gotta dance!” you exclaim, pulling Jo closer to the truck to better hear the song.

You are dancing and belting out the lyrics with Jo, when all of the sudden she stops dead in her tracks, stops singing and stares behind you smiling like she just got the best news ever. You lean in closer to her so she can hear you as you talk loudly over the music.

“What is going on? You okay? Why did you stop?” She doesn’t say a word, just keeps staring over your shoulder and points. You turn around to see what she is pointing at.

You should have noticed sooner, but the music must have been distracting you. Cruising down the dirt path towards the bonfire was a sexy black lifted Chevy Silverado. You could hear it’s engine roar. But wait a minute, you distinctly hear the purr of a muscle car too. You couldn’t see it, but knew that sound anywhere. You have been going to car shows since you were twelve and would know that purr with your eyes closed. That absolutely was the purr of a classic muscle car. As the truck pulled closer, you were able to catch a slight glimpse behind it. Oh, man are you are in trouble. Muscle cars are a big weakness for you, trucks are too. 

You take a huge gulp of your drink, look over at Jo and she is staring at you with a shit eating grin on her face. “Whooo is thaaat?” you ask, feeling a little tipsy.

“That is the party getting started,” Jo says with a wink.


	2. Country Girl (Shake It for Me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: Country Girl (Shake it for me) by Luke Bryan,  
> Album: Tailgates and Tanlines
> 
> POV: Dean

Country Girl (Shake It for Me)

When you got a phone call from Jo, you were expecting it to be some case that she stumbled on that she couldn’t handle without your help. When it turned out to be not a case at all you were relieved. It had been a long summer full of one case after another and you could really use a break. Her invitation to a bonfire at the usual spot near the roadhouse was just what you were looking for. The fact that she mentioned she was bringing a friend along only piqued your curiosity. You started asking her questions about her friend but wasn’t getting much information to work with. It was almost like she didn’t want you to get to know her friend. Perhaps she even thought that the friend might get along better with Sam. Maybe the friend was one of those book smart scholar types. Didn’t really matter to you. Either way, a night out at a bonfire meant booze and plenty of chicks. Then your phone chirps with a message from Jo. But it isn’t Jo answering your questions. It’s her friend, Y/N. You smile and chuckle to yourself. This girl’s got moxie. You like her already and you haven’t even met her yet.

“Hey, Sam. I just got a call from Jo.”  
“Everything ok?” Sam asked concerned.  
“Sounds like there has been some suspicious activity at the bonfire sight by the Roadhouse lately. She asked if we could come check it out as she is busy with another case.” “Plus, we can swing by and see Ellen.” You add hoping to convince Sam to leave the hotel.  
“Yeah, we should go check it out.” Sam agreed.

Sam recently purchased a new truck. He said it would help to have a second vehicle to use, plus you think he liked the added benefits of being able to stretch his legs out and pick the music. He climbed into his lifted truck, which for him seemed the normal height vehicles should be at and started up his engine. It roared to life and you shook your head. These new engines have nothing on the classics.

You ran your fingertips along Baby’s hood as you walked around to the driver’s side door. “Let’s have some fun, Baby.” You started her up and listened to her purr for a moment. There is no better sound in the world. You pushed a cassette tape into the tape player and backed Baby out of the parking space. 

Sam pulled out of the motel parking lot and you followed after him. After all, if a deer happened to cross the road, you would rather his truck run into it than Baby. It felt good to be driving Baby down the country roads while not working on a job. You tapped your thumbs on the steering wheel and jammed out to your music. Tonight was going to be a good night.

As you turned down the dirt path that led to the bonfire, you could see that there was already a crowd starting to gather. Hopefully, you will be able to avoid Sam getting pissed at you when he realizes that there is no case. Sam pulls into an open spot in the circle of vehicles and you pull up next to him. You sit in Baby for a minute searching the crowd for Jo and her friend, Y/N. You see them across the far side of the bonfire. Damn, Y/N looks good. 

Sam knocks on your window, pulling you out of your daze. You turn Baby off and step out of the car.   
“I thought you said there was a case here Dean,” Sam says upset with you.  
“I said there was suspicious activity. I would bet that there will be some of that tonight.” You snarked back at Sam.  
“Dammit Dean, we have work to do.” Sam snapped back at you.  
“That’s all we ever do is work, Sam. I’m tired of it. Can’t we take just one night off?” You plead.  
“Alright, Dean. One night, but first thing in the morning we get back to work.” Sam concedes.

As you walk over to the keg for a beer, you feel everyone watching you. You’ve become kind of an urban legend around these parts and when you roll into a party like this it makes you feel like a rock star. Awesome.

You grab two beers one for you and one for Sam and head back to Baby. Sam isn’t there so you set his beer down, lean against Baby’s hood and scan the growing crowd of people for him. You take a swig of your beer and almost spit it back out when you look across the bonfire. Sam is standing over there talking to Jo and Y/N is dancing in front of the fire like no one else is around. Holy fuck, that girl can move. You glance around the fire and notice, your eyes aren’t the only ones watching her. You could just chill here watching her shake her hips all night, but you want to get to know her more. Plus, you are pretty sure Sam is talking shop with Jo and you need to put a stop to that before he decides to focus back on work and not enjoy the night off. You grab both beers and stomp your boots through the mud across to the other side of the bonfire. 

Walking up to them, you hear Y/N ask Jo. “What are you guys talking about? Is this about some new television show or book you’ve been reading? I know how much you like that sci-fi horror stuff.”

“Yeah, sorry, Y/N, I know you don’t really believe in any of that.” Jo apologizes and shoots Sam a look to let him know to shut the hell up. 

“Hi, Jo, Sam, and I’m guessing your Y/N?” You say smiling.

“Yeah, but how did you know her name?” Jo asks. 

“Well, I think you can check your phone for the answer to that question.” You say winking at Y/N.

Jo shoots Y/N a glare and she blushes handing Jo back her phone. She’s cute when she’s embarrassed.

Jo checks her texts on her phone to see what this is all about and Sam leans over curious too. You smile at Y/N. “Wanna beer?”

“Yeah.” She replies grabbing the beer and taking a big gulp. Impressive.

“Excuse me, but I need to talk to Y/N for a minute.” Jo interrupts.

“Yeah ok.” you say turning to Sam. “Hey, could you do me a favor?” 

“What Dean?” Sam asks slightly annoyed.

“Can you go turn your truck around and turn on some country music on your radio?” You ask hoping your plan will work.

“What are you up to brother?” Curiosity in his voice.

“Oh come on Sam, please help me out a little here and I’ll gladly help with research on the next case.” You try to appeal to him for help.

“Fine, but you owe me.” Sam groans.

Y/N slowly walks back over to you drinking her beer. “Um, Jo said to tell you it was good to see you but she had to go,” she said sadly.  
“Is everything ok? She seemed a little perturbed.” You asked raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t know. I think I really struck a nerve by sending you that text. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any trouble.” She says apologetically.

“Oh, no trouble here. I’m sure she’ll be fine.” She’s always ok, you just like to keep an eye out for her and honestly, you’ll be able to relax and focus more on Y/N now that Jo is safe and not getting picked up by some random dude.

“If you say so, but I’m not so sure about that,” she says as if you have missed a piece of this puzzle.

“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t she be ok?” You really don’t understand.

“You really don’t see it, do you? What exactly does Jo mean to you?” she asks, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

You motion for her to walk with you across the bonfire and luckily she follows right alongside you as you continue the conversation. “Well, Jo is a good friend, to me and my family so is her Mom. I guess she’s kinda like the little sister I never had. I’m always making sure that she is safe and making sure she knows that I care about her, but that’s it.”

“You really should let her know that.” She says looking into your eyes.

You notice that sometimes her eyes look green and other times they look blue, or maybe it is just the firelight changing her eye color. They are gorgeous either way. “She knows.” Or at least you think she does. You’ve never straight out said so much, but you aren’t the kind of guy that goes around spilling out that lovey-dovey crap.

“Just make sure, for me, ok?” she asks with a little smile.

“Sure.” You lower the tailgate on Sam’s truck and hold out your hands to help her up onto it. She wraps her arms around your neck instead and you hesitate for a second as you weren’t expecting that. You take a big breath in, she smells like wildflowers and sunshine. Your heart skips a beat. You grab her by the waist and easily lift her up onto the tailgate. Sam did just as you asked, turned his truck around, country music was booming through the speakers of the truck, and he even made himself scarce. You definitely owe him one. You hop up to sit on the tailgate, swing your legs up and put your arm behind your head so that you can watch her do her thing. She looks at you and you wink. She smiles, blushes a little, but goes with it. Rain is a Good Thing, Luke Bryan comes on the radio. You watch as she dances like a dandelion. She moves just like a river flows. Your pretty sure everyone is watching her, but she’s shaking it just for you.


	3. I Don't Want This Night to End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: I Don’t Want This Night to End-Luke Bryan,  
> Album: Tailgates & Tanlines

I Don't Want This Night to End

The last time you checked your cell it was after 3 am. Holy crap, it didn’t seem like you had been hanging with Dean for an hour even. Time was flying by and you didn’t want to go home anytime soon. The bonfire was starting to burn down and the majority of people had already left for the night. Sam took his truck back to the hotel quite a while ago saying something about needing rest for work in the morning. 

That left you here alone with Dean, sitting in the passenger seat of his Impala watching the flames lick up into the sky and bits of ash float up and die out. Talking to Dean came easily, it wasn’t strained or the least bit awkward. Even when the topic floated towards unpleasant times, Dean somehow managed to turn it all around and get you laughing. You don’t normally talk this openly or discuss your family or past with guys you just met, but it felt like you had known Dean for ages and he made you feel safe to be yourself. 

You still could barely believe how this night was playing out. Not only were you talking to this insanely attractive man who seemed to actually be attracted to you too, but you were also sitting in the muscle car of said man. You found yourself a dream guy who drove your dream car. How is this possible? You pinch your arm to make sure you aren’t dreaming. Yep, that hurt. 

Noticing that his car only had a tape player, no CD or iPod Player, you decided to see what his music preferences were. You reach over and push the unlabeled cassette into the tape player. Eye of the Tiger starts playing. You look over and Dean a little surprised by his song choice. 

“Really?”

Dean reaches over and pops the cassette back out. 

“That…that is just a joke Sam and I have.”

He laughs and your heart melts into a puddle on the floorboard of his car. Who knew this man could look any hotter. 

“Hey, feel like taking a ride, Y/N?” Dean asks biting his lip.

You glance for a split second to his lap. Oh hell YES you want to take a ride. “Um, sure…” you reply searching his face for what he meant by his question.

He starts up the Impala. Oh shit. Maybe a ride wasn’t a good idea. Driving down deserted back roads with a man you just met a few hours earlier and who makes you want to throw all of your inhibitions out the window. But fuck. The feel of the engine rumbling mixed with Dean’s intoxicating presence is enough to send you into overdrive. Your brain goes fuzzy and you don’t care anymore. You just want to feel that power.

Dean backs out and pulls onto the dirt road that led into the cornfield. Once he turns onto the gravel, he thrusts the gas pedal to the floor. The Impala shifts gears and kicks up gravel. 

“Good girl, Baby.”

“What?”

“Oh not you sweetheart, I was talking to Baby,” Dean says as he pats the steering wheel lovingly.

Awe, that’s cute. You never really liked it when a guy called you Baby anyways. Works for you.

Dean pushes in a different cassette tape and you let a little squeal slip through your lips but cut it off short not wanting to jump the gun. The opening guitar with the underlying sound of the cymbal being hit comes through the speakers and you immediately recognize the song as AC/DC –You Shook Me All Night Long. You try to act calm, trying to not show how excited you are that this man likes classic rock. You sing along to every word under your breath. Not all guys dig girls who like this music and you aren’t sure how he’d feel knowing just how much you are a fan. You catch him looking over at you a few times out of the corner of his eye and stop mid-sentence hoping he didn’t catch you. This is a little awkward. You try to not let yourself jam out to this song, but it is difficult to say the least. You notice that he is nervously drumming his thumbs on the steering wheel along to the music. Then distracted by how strong yet soft his hands look, you slip up and sing the next line of the song at your normal volume. 

“’Cause the walls start shaking, the Earth was quaking …” 

You gasp and bite your lower lip waiting for the inevitable reaction from Dean. Dean smirks, raises an eyebrow and smiles as he turns, looks straight at you and sings at the top of his lungs.

“My mind was aching, and we were making it and you…”

You laugh as he looks back to the road completely jamming out now. You both sing along to every word at the top of your lungs, shaking your heads and pumping your fists along with the music. As the car flies down the country roads, the smell of fresh cut grass, river water, and cornfields float in through the open windows. The summer air is warm, but the wind blowing through your hair feels exhilarating. The sky is so full of stars that it looks like God sprinkled salt all over the sky and turned into radiant glowing stars to watch over the Earth. The full moon was casting a heavenly glow across Dean’s face making you want to reach over and trace the outline of the five o'clock shadow along his jawline. This night feels full of magic. You hope this feeling never ends. 

You have no idea by now where you are or where you have been, but you don't care as long as you get to keep spending time with Dean. 

The next song on his cassette is Wanna Be That Song by Brett Eldredge. You kick your boots off, put your painted toes up on the dash, lean back and enjoy the feeling of the night. Not only does Dean like classic rock, but he also digs country. He is amazingly in tune with your music preferences and you have always believed that music is a window into a person’s soul. 

Dean reaches over and turns the music down. Your heart sinks. This is where he tells me it’s been a good night but he has to get me home. No, not yet, please not yet.

“I didn’t picture you would be into classic rock. I thought for sure you were a strictly country kinda girl.” Dean says without taking his eyes off of the road.

“Are you kidding me? I practically grew up on classic rock. My mom was really into it so AC/DC was one of the first concerts I attended. From there I was hooked. My dad listened to country, but I didn’t get into it until I got older. As a kid, it always just sounded like a bunch of romantic whining and complaining to me.” You say without realizing that you just brought family back into the mix.

“Sounds nice. My dad wasn’t really around much as a kid and my mom died when I was young, so I pretty much taught myself all about music.” Dean says shocked he just confided such intimate facts of his life to you.

Your heart aches for this man and your level of appreciation for who he is just skyrocketed. You cannot even imagine growing up without your mom and dad. 

Dean pulls off into a clearing and parks the car. “Y/N, I don’t want to head back to the hotel just yet. I thought maybe we could chill here until the sun comes up. I would love to watch the sunrise with you.”

That sounds perfect.” You say beaming. 

You know you are going to curse the morning when it comes. It will mean that Dean has to get back to work and that you have to go back to straighten things out with Jo. And who knows if you will ever see Dean again. Dean reaches over and lays his hand on your upper thigh. The warmth and weight of his hand feels so comforting and wonderful against your thigh. You lean over and rest your head on his shoulder and you can’t help but feel your heartbeat quicken as his hand slightly grips your thigh a little tighter. Damn, you really don’t want this night to end.


	4. That Don't Just Happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: That Don’t Just Happen (Bonus Track)-Luke Bryan,  
> Album: Tailgates & Tanlines

That Don't Just Happen

Things like this don’t just happen. 

Not for me anyways. I’m not that lucky. 

Be the girl that guys are drawn to like a moth to a flame.

Be the girl who is totally in her zone, relaxed and having fun at a party.

Be the girl who every guy wants to talk to.

Be the girl who stays until the party ends because everyone wants her to stay.

Be the girl who goes home with the hottest guy at the party.

I’m not that girl. 

I’m the girl who is too much in her own head thinking about what guys like and want to relax and have fun at a party. The girl who is sitting nursing her beer, wishing some decent looking guy would notice her, be nice to her, talk to her. I’m the girl who comes up with a lame excuse to leave the party early because having a good time or finding a guy who may actually be interested in me seems hopeless. 

I’m the girl who wishes she could just stand up, dance a little and get everyone watching her. Wishes to have the confidence to walk up and start a conversation with a cute guy. Wishes to be the girl who has the hottest guy at the party talk or dance with her. Wishes to be the envy of every other girl at the party.

But that don’t just happen. Not for me.

Not until Jo took me to that bonfire.

Not until he cruised into the party in his Impala.

Not until he walked, up to me.

Not until he smiled, at me.

Not until he flirted, with me.

Not until he left the party, with me.

Not until he drove through the hollers and hills, with me.

Not until he talked for hours, with me.

Not until he didn’t want to leave, me.

Not until he watched the sunrise, with me.

Not until he had my head spinning.

Not until he stole my heart.

That don’t just happen. Not to me. 

Until it did.


	5. Too Damn Young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: Too Damn Young – Luke Bryan  
> Album: Tailgates & Tanlines

Too Damn Young

Everything is quiet and still in the early hours of the morning. It is very calming. You have a lot on your mind and don’t want to spoil the beautiful sunrise with words. You slightly lift your head off of Dean’s shoulder, tilt up so you can see his face and watch as the sun illuminates the car, casting shades of blue, purple, pink, orange and yellow across Dean’s features. It is one of the most beautiful things you have ever witnessed. As the sun starts to bring light to a new day, Dean tilts his head so that he can look at you. His eyes are swimming with emotions and you want to say something to comfort him but don’t know what you can say. You open your mouth to speak, “Dea…”

Before you can finish your first word, Dean’s lips are on yours. Kissing you soft and gentle as if to say goodbye. His lips fit perfectly against yours. You feel yourself start to tear up and you push your lips back into his firmly, squeezing your eyes shut, willing the tears not to come. You shift your body so that you gain control of the kiss. You reach around to the back of his head and cradle his head in your hand. Kissing him deeply, massaging his lips with yours, not wanting the kiss to break. Not wanting to let the feelings and thoughts overwhelm you just yet. He moans deeply into your mouth sending those emotions spiraling. It’s more than you can take. You break the kiss and pull yourself into his body, burying your face in his neck. You can’t let him see you like this. You can’t let him see how much it hurts you to end this night. You sit there stiffly, taking in large gulps of air. You calm your emotions down and gather your composure. You pull back and smile lovingly at him as you sink back into your seat. 

“We should get going.”

“Yeah, Jo will be worried about me and Sam will probably be waiting for you.”

You really don’t want to have to go up to your apartment and face Jo. Sooner or later you were going to have to face the music on that, but you are so tired. You pull yourself up the flight of stairs to your apartment, fumble with unlocking the door, trying not to wake up Jo. You drag yourself to your room and fall into your bed. Immediately, you fall deep asleep.

You are shaken out of your slumber by a loud commotion in the kitchen. Damn, you were just about to get hot and heavy with Dean in your dream. This put you immediately in a sour mood. You climb out of bed, change into some lounge clothes, and look in the mirror to fix your hair and your makeup a little bit, before heading out to see what all the noise was about. 

“Oh, Y/N, I hope I didn’t wake you.” Jo sneered with a hint of venom and sarcasm in her voice.

Great. Just great. She’s pissed off at me. “Oh of course not.” You snipe back at her with the same sarcastic undertone.

She goes about making her breakfast, still forcefully moving dishes and groceries about to make sure you know just how upset she is.

“Okay, I get it. You’re upset.” You concede rolling your eyes.

“Upset?! UPSET! Damn right I’m upset! What the hell happened last night Y/N?!”

You open your mouth to try to diffuse the situation, but Jo cuts you off again.

“I mean, I left the bonfire with you knowing that I have feelings for HIM and that HE was openly flirting with YOU right in front of ME! If that wasn’t enough of a hint that you should stand up for my side of the situation, I don’t know what is? You broke the girl code, sisters before misters, plus you completely have lost my trust in you.”

At this point, you’re not sure what to say to her, but you know it can’t be the truth. She would never go for that. And to lie to her would just open up doors for future arguments. So you did the only thing you could think of. Appeal to her as a girlfriend.

“Jo, I am so very sorry. I didn’t want for you to get hurt, I was only enjoying a night out like you had wanted me to. I only stayed because it seemed rude to just up and leave without even saying goodbye.” 

“Oh.” Jo took a few steps back and the tension in her shoulders eased slightly. “So after you said goodbye to them you left?”

“Well, no. Not exactly.”

“What do you mean NOT EXACTLY?! Come on Y/N, stop skirting the truth. What really happened last night?” Jo demanded as the tension returned tenfold.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s not like I will ever see him again anyway.” You sigh.

“Please Y/N, it matters to me. It matters a lot to me.” Jo begged.

“Hey, Jo.” Dean answered his cell curious as to why Jo was calling.

“Don’t. Don’t YOU hey Jo ME!”

“Whoa. What’s going on Jo?”

“I think you know EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON, you, you, SON OF A BITCH!”

Sam caught Dean’s attention and motioned to him, trying to find out what was going on. Dean shrugged, not knowing for sure why Jo was so pissed off.

“Hi, Jo.” Sam grumbled as Dean handed him the phone.

“Put the bastard back on the phone Sam.” Jo spat.

“Jo, calm down. What’s going on?”

“Ok, FIIINE, let’s play like neither of you have a fucking clue what is going on.” Jo huffed. “What happened after I left last night Sam?” Jo pleaded.

“Well…not a lot. At least that I know of. Dean sat on the bed of my truck and talked some with Y/N. I had another beer and watched the fire but it was getting late and I knew we had a lot of work to do on the case so I headed back to the motel. When I left Dean and Y/N was leaning against his car talking. I’m sure nothing happened Jo. Y/N seems like a good friend, I’m sure she just had Dean give her a ride home.” Sam pointed out as he gave Dean scolding glares.

“Right, right. Sure. But that does leave a few things unexplained. Like why didn’t Y/N walk into the front door until after sunrise? And why did she sleep until almost 1 pm? I can bet Dean isn’t at full capacity today either. A bit tired, maybe a little cranky even.” Jo sputtered as her voice wavered.

Sam went quiet. Dean had been tired today and a little spacey. No, he wouldn’t, would he? Sam knew the answer to that as soon as he asked it. Of course, Dean would. The thing that Sam was struggling with wasn’t Dean’s actions, it was Y/N’s. 

“Look, Jo, I know Dean can be an ass sometimes. Especially when women are involved. But Y/N doesn’t seem like the kind of girl to easily fall for Dean’s bull. Maybe you just need to be straightforward with her and see if she can tell you her side of the story.” Sam explained trying to console the now crying Jo.

“That’s the problem, Sam.” Jo sobbed. “Y/N did tell me her side of the story. And let me just say that she isn’t the girl I thought she was. I am moving out of the apartment in the morning.”

“Jo, I’m so sorry.” Sam sympathized.

“Dean, you are such a jerk.” Sam scolded after getting off the phone with Jo.

“What? Bitch.” Dean asks sarcastically.

“You can’t see a good thing when it is right in front of you.” Sam shakes his head.

“Oh, yes I can. Right now, I see pie and that’s a wonderful thing.” Dean smirks.

Your fight with Jo was one that is sure to ruin your friendship. There’s no coming back from that. At least not anytime soon. You jump into a shower to rinse the guilt off and the smell of bonfire out of your hair. As you step out, your phone chimes.

“Hey, hun. Meet me tonight? Down at the dock. 9 pm.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. You can’t believe Dean contacted you back. After what just happened with Jo, you are not sure what to do. You really want to see Dean again, but don’t want to completely burn the little bit of remaining bridge that is left between you and Jo. 

For the next four hours, you fiddle around your room trying to decide what you are going to do about Dean’s text. You grab some of the leftover pizza from the fridge and head back to your room to avoid running into Jo when she finally cools off and comes back to the apartment. You are starving. Starving in more ways than one. Ugh. You go over all possible scenarios that could result from Dean’s text for the next 2 hours. You have known Jo since childhood. Would she really let a guy come between your friendship? You don’t think so, but she really seemed hurt. You can’t be sure, but you hope she won’t. By 7 pm, you know that you have to meet up with Dean. You can’t get him off of your mind and want to spend more time with him. Even if that means losing Jo as a friend. The only question that remains is how.

“I’ll see you there.” You text Dean back scared that this could destroy your friendship if Jo finds out.

You get changed, set your shoes on the bed next to you and shut off the lights in your room. You sit in the dark for a good 15 minutes. Still, quiet. Listening for the telltale signs that Jo is going to bed for the night. Once you are sure that she is definitely in her room for the night, you grab your shoes and quietly sneak flatfooted out of the apartment. You feel awful, guilty. 

That is until…until you reach the dock. There he sat at the end of the dock, his jeans rolled up to mid-calf, his feet hanging down into the water. His white t-shirt glimmering under the moonlight. He didn’t hear you approach. You stand there for a moment unable to move. How could this man care about someone like you? How could someone so magnificent spend more than a millisecond even considering being with someone like you? He reached his forearms into the water, and his hands splashed out of the water, soaked and ran through his hair. Water dripped down his face and onto his shirt. You stifle an animalistic grunt. 

He turns his upper body towards you, smiles and stands. As he strides down the dock, your whole body throbs with desire. You want this man. No, you need this man tonight. When he reaches you his face mimics your feelings. He wraps one arm around your waist. Pulling you closer to him, his other hand reaches up to your neck and up through your hair. He kisses you passionately, deeply. He lightly tugs at your hair to move your head in conjunction with his. You moan and you can feel a smile grace his lips. He steps back a step and looks you up and down slowly. “Damn, you look good.”

“I could say the same to you.”

“What this? This is nothing.”

“Nothing? It is definitely something.”

“No, let me show you something.” With that, he turns and runs down the dock and dives into the water.

“Okay…well that was something…” You say sarcastically under your breathe. You don’t see him come right back up so you start walking down the dock.

You reach the end of the dock before you see him. He is floating on his back. His white shirt is now soaked and you can see every single inch of his chest and abs through the shirt. His pants stick around his lower half accentuating all the right areas. Hot damn. You collapse, kneeling on the dock, as you go weak at the knees. 

“Come on in darling. The waters fine.”

You chuckle. Something is fine, but it isn’t the water. You shake your head. “No way, never gonna happen.”

“Oh really?!” Dean countered accepting your challenge. 

In the blink of an eye, he flips over on his stomach and swims to the end of the dock. You are not prepared for him to get there so quickly. Before you know what has happened, he jumps up out of the water, grabs you and pulls you in. 

“DEAN!” you screech in surprise as you playfully punch his chest.

Kissing his way up your bicep to your neck, he grips the neckline of your shirt and tears it off of you. You are freezing in the water and every touch, every kiss from Dean creates goosebumps all over your body. He feels you shivering and wraps you in his arms. This feels right. This makes sense. It doesn’t matter what Jo thinks. This. This right here is how it should be. 

You feel a shiver run up Dean’s spine. He is freezing too. You run your fingers down his chest, over his abs and hook your fingers under his wet shirt. You pause for a second and look into his eyes. Your desire is fierce. You push his shirt up to feel his bare chest. He shivers again. You rip his shirt up over his head and toss it onto the dock.

Your still warm hands glide over his biceps, his shoulders, down his chest, his abs, and then just as your fingers are about to graze along his hip bones, his lips find yours. His kiss is so full of desire that it knocks you back and he wraps his arms around your waist to catch you. He reaches up and pulls your hair to get you to moan again. As you moan, your mouth opens and he takes it as an open invitation. His tongue flicks into your mouth, twisting and turning, wrapping and mingling with yours. Dean moans deeply into your mouth, sending vibrations rumbling through your body. You lose all focus and forget to keep yourself afloat. He notices your slight sinking and pushes one of his thighs up between your legs to hold you up. The sudden pressure against your core sends waves of pleasure through your body. You moan and reach your arm over his shoulder and around his neck to pull yourself up a little further. He responds in kind by rubbing his thigh against your jeans. You instinctively bite his lower lip.

His kisses are now short, frantic, gasping for air in between. Almost as if he is fighting to breathe. His kisses trail from your lips along your jawline, down your neck, and to your collarbone. Your free hand reaches between your bodies and you lean back slightly to provide better access. His kisses continue to pepper their way down your body to your chest. You pull at the button of his jeans. It comes undone with ease. You reach a hand inside and find him hard and ready, wanting. He groans at the feel of your hand on his cock. You free him from the confines of his wet jeans and run your hand up and down his shaft. He pulls you a little closer and raises and lowers you on his thigh in rhythm with your strokes. Normally this would not do so much for you with all of the extra layers in the way but the water rushing around you as every movement was made, greatly intensified his motions. By the third stroke, you feel a familiar tingling sensation spread throughout your body. You quicken your strokes of his shaft making sure to go all the way from the tip to the base. Deans hands tighten on your hips and push you down harder, deeper onto his thigh as his strokes quicken too. “Oh, Dean.” You whisper. “Mmm.” he grunts, “louder.” “Dean,” you moan against his chest, “yes Dean, oh yes.” His shaft grows even stiffer. “Faster, Y/N.” You quicken your strokes again. Your body now shaking in his arms. You can feel yourself start to get wet and it isn’t from the water. Your breaths come out shallow and raspy. “Right like that, fuck yes, oh Dean. Don’t stop.” He reaches and undoes the button on your pants without breaking rhythm or slowing down. He reaches inside your panties to find your folds warm and wet. His cold fingers send a shock and a chill through your body. But it just heightens your pleasure. His fingers tease your folds and you can no longer focus on pleasing him. 

Your hand shoots up to his shoulder and your nails dig in as you scream. “Fuck me, Dean!” Dean pulls your pants down to gain access. The water is cold and it almost jolts you out of your mood, but Dean moves quickly. He lifts you up and pulls you down on top of his thick hard shaft. It is rough and it hurts. “Ooooh.” You scream. You resist slightly as he lifts you back up his shaft and pulls you back down, but slower this time. You feel as the tip of his shaft connects with your folds and push them aside. You feel as your muscles expand and contract to envelop his cock. You purr into his ear and he pulls you all the way to the base and then back up again quickly. You whine in protest and he pulls you back down, quicker. “Oh fuck yes.” Again, he lifts you up and quickly brings you back down. This time holding you at the base of his shaft for a second as you feel his member throb inside you. “God you feel so good, Y/N.” Your back arches in response and he groans, lifting you up again. Before you are prepared he pulls you hard back down. He holds you there, throbbing. “Oh Y/N.” Your vision flashes white hot light, every nerve in your body explodes in waves of fireworks and you feel your cum flow all over his shaft. Just as your muscles start to relax around his shaft, he pulls you towards him. “I’m gonna cum Y/N.” “Oh, yes.” You feel as he hardens and throbs deep inside, his juices burst out like a bullet from a shotgun and you both scream out in pure ecstasy. 

He wraps both arms around your back and kisses you softly, lovingly. While he has you wrapped in the warmth of his arms, he pulls out and the coldness of the water comes rushing back making you glad for his warmth. You kiss him slowly, sweetly. You both separate and pull your pants back on. “You are shaking. We better get out and get you dried off.” 

Back on the dock, he grabs both shirts. “Here,” he says, “mine is dry. You can have it.” You slip his shirt on and marvel at how it smells just like him. He rolls your shirt up and lays down on the dock, using your shirt as a pillow. You smile and lay down on your side next to him. The dock is still warm from the summer sun beating down on it all day and a stark contrast to the coldness of the water. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You look down at Dean and feel a warmth consume your heart. You know you are falling, fast, head over heels, and can’t slow down. You kiss him like you mean forever as the fog rolls in.


	6. I Know You're Gunna Be There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: I Know You’re Gunna Be There-Luke Bryan  
> Album: Tailgates and Tanlines

I Know You're Gunna Be There

You walk up the stairs to your apartment knowing what awaits. An empty room half bare, very quiet, way too still. It has been over a week of the same and it just doesn’t feel right.

After your night with Dean, you had returned back home the next morning to find Jo had packed up everything that was hers or that she had given to you and moved out. She had also left a box with the things that you had given to her over the years. This hurts. This hurts badly. You have known her so long and never imagined she would react this way. You have tried to call her several times since. Her phone goes straight to voicemail and your attempts to get her to call you back have been unsuccessful. You even reached out to her Mom, but her Mom didn’t have any information that would help you, except that Jo was fine and not to worry about her. Jo didn’t have a large group of friends, so after trying a few, you were almost out of options. All that was left were Sam and Dean. And after a week of not so much as a “Hey” from Dean, you really didn’t want to have to reach out to him. His lack of communication could only mean one thing, he was done with you. I hope I’m wrong about that though. So you tried Sam, but that went to voicemail too. Dammit! You tried for one more day to get a hold of Jo, but when you still didn’t have luck, you had no other options. You took a deep breath and exhaled before dialing Dean’s number.

“This is Dean Winchester. If this is an emergency, leave a message.”

You panic and hang up before the beep. You had not planned on having to leave a voicemail. There is too much to say. Crap. Now what?

I really need to get in touch with Jo and straighten this whole mess out. There’s only one option, the Roadhouse. If there is anyone anywhere who can get me in touch with Jo, they will be there. Only one problem. That is one of Dean’s hangouts and there’s an 80% chance I will run into him. 

You have worked all week, so you plan to go to the Roadhouse Friday night. That gives me two days. Two days to find a date. I will not be walking into that bar alone. I will not see the look of pity on Dean’s face showing up without anyone else. No way in Hell.

The next morning comes faster than you want it to, but you know you have things to do today. So you drag yourself out of bed, grab a cup of coffee and head to your closet to get dressed. Today, you are going to ask the cutest guy in the office, Devon, to go out for drinks Friday. You have a general rule, not to date co-workers but this is kind of a last minute type of situation and you can’t show up with just anyone. It has to be believable Y/N. This is going to take your work power outfit. The one that you wear when you have a big presentation or a meeting with the owner.

If you play it cool when you ask Devon, he should say yes. You have gone out for drinks after work before with a group of co-workers you get along well. He just isn’t your type. He’s more the type that you bring home to the parents, not the let’s get wild and have some fun type, like Dean. Dean…Dean… You shake your head to clear your thoughts. You can’t think about him right now. Focus. Find a date. Make Dean realize what he is missing. Find someone who can help you contact Jo. Yes. Okay. I can do this.

When you get to work, Devon is in a meeting, so you settle into your desk and check your work emails. It’s going to be a slow day at work today as your client's cases have all recently been resolved. You have one case still to work on, so you print out the paperwork for it and head to the copy room. As you are grabbing your papers from the printer, Devon walks in.

“Hey, Y/N.”

You spin around quickly, a little flush from being flustered. “Devon, don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.

“It’s okay, Devon. I’m just not quite awake yet, I guess. So big meeting huh?”

“Nah, not really, just a bunch of boring updates, nothing new. Looks like most of it isn’t falling on my desk anyways.” Devon says sounding relieved.

“Oh, well that’s good. Hey, if you aren’t busy, want to go grab a coffee in the break room?”

“Sure, Y/N. I could use a little pick me up after that meeting.”

You start walking, brushing your palms against your pants as you walk. You cannot look Devon in the eye, this is going to be harder than you thought. Your plan is totally out of character for you and your heart breaks for Devon. He is a nice guy, and if it wasn’t for Dean, I may have grabbed a drink with him down the road to see where it would lead. But now, I see no other way.

“So Devon…I know we haven’t ever hung out, just the two of us outside of work, but you seem like a really chill guy.”

“O-okay.” You catch out of the corner of your eye Devon watching you.

“Devon, would you maybe want to get a drink with me Friday night?” You ask as you stare straight ahead and keep walking.

Devon stops walking for a moment, then catches up to you. “Are you serious, Y/N?”

“Yes. I was thinking maybe we could hang out and just, you know, chill.” Liar! Liar!

“Sure, that sounds like fun,” Devon says as he playfully punches you on the arm. 

Oh great, he thinks it’s just to hang out all buddy like. “Okay. You can pick me up at 8. It’s a date.” You say as you smile coyly at him. “I have a meeting to get to, see you later.”

Thursday morning you call off of work, using one of your personal days. You don’t have any more cases with clients until Monday as you wrapped up the last one yesterday. You don’t have work tomorrow and you’d rather not have an awkward encounter with Devon before your date. You take the day and go shopping, finding an outfit that is perfect for tomorrow, get a manicure and again try calling Jo’s cell phone (just in case). 

Friday morning your stomach is in knots. You can’t decide if it’s because you know what you plan to do to Devon or if it’s because you might see Dean again. You try to take your mind off of the night by watching some Netflix, reading a book you keep meaning to get around to, getting on Facebook, nothing seemed to be working. You are so full of jitters that you physically start shaking by lunch. After you grab a quick bite to eat, you throw on some soft jazz and climb into a warm bath. You have to relax. You feel your joints creak as you climb into the tub. Oh yeah, this will be amazing. As the warmth of the water soothes you, your muscles all go limp. You lean your head back and let your mind wander. You’re half in a sleep daze as your thoughts float to the night at the bonfire, the sunrise in his Impala and the other night by the dock. Everything seemed so perfect, so amazing. You were just about to drift off when the alarm on your phone went off. AHHHHH-H-H! That was scary. Your alarm never failed to wake you up and make you smile. This time was no different.

It was time to get ready for Devon to pick you up. You climb out of the tub and towel off. You dry your Y/H/C hair and curl it into loose flowing waves. You touch up your face with a little powder, blush, eyeshadow, and lip gloss. Then you slip into your new outfit. You shine up your old boots and pull them on to complete the look perfectly. 

As you and Devon pull into the parking lot of The Roadhouse, you take a deep breathe and try to keep your cool. Climbing out of Devon’s truck, you see a black lifted Chevy Silverado, Sam’s truck. Dean will be here tonight for sure. You take another deep breath as you steady yourself and focus on Devon. Devon grabs two beers, one for each of you as you find your way to an open table. The place is a little loud and busy tonight, but that means someone here has to know about Jo. You make polite conversation with Devon about work. He cracks a few jokes about your boss and you giggle lightly. You keep looking around, scanning the bar trying to see any signs of Sam or Dean. They are nowhere to be seen. Jo’s Mom, Ellen isn’t around either. You decide to have a few drinks to take off the edge and relax. You and Devon get along like really good friends so finding topics to talk about is no problem. But you just can’t seem to focus on the conversation. Time seems to be crawling though even though you're enjoying getting to know more about Devon. In the back of your mind, you can’t help but think, “Y/N, you are such a bitch. Here is this nice guy right in front of you, but you can’t even manage to focus on him for more than a minute at a time. And shouldn’t you be trying to find out about Jo?!” You make a sour face at the thought. 

“How about another beer?”

“Okay.”

After your second beer, you start to feel a little buzz, so you decide to cut it off there before you have too much and make a complete fool of yourself.

“Hey, Devon. Let’s dance.” Yeah, maybe that will take my mind off of Dean.

He reaches out for your hand. You accept and he leads you to the dance floor. The DJ plays “Country Fried” by Zac Brown Band and you sing along as you dance. Devon sways his hips slightly but doesn’t seem to be into the music. Just as the song wraps up, you can’t help but notice two very tall men walk in and sit at the bar. Okay, Y/N, you can do this. As if the DJ knew what you were planning, he played “Like a Wrecking Ball” by Eric Church. Damn, perfect timing. Damon turned to walk back off the dance floor but you reached out and grabbed his hand. He turned back around and you grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him in close. Your chest was pressed against his. You wrapped one of your arms around his neck and pulled his ear down to your mouth. Moment of truth. Either this works or fails now. 

You whisper into Derek’s ear with a big smirk on your face, watching Dean watch you. 

“Please, Devon, please dance with me. It really would mean a lot to me.” Bitch, leading him on like this. Shut up conscience. 

Devon leans down and whispers back, “Do you have feelings for me Y/N?”

You giggle and toss your hair. Leaning in closer you whisper, “Silly, I just want to dance.”

He pulls back not entirely convinced of what this means, but smiles big and wraps an arm around your waist. You position your chest against his and guide him to bend his knees by slightly pulling at his neck as you bend yours. You look into his eyes with passion, thinking of Dean, and slowly grind your hips in time with the music against his. His eyes go wide, but he loosens up and pistons his hips back against yours. This better work. What’s the worst that could happen Y/N? Oh yeah, right. You piss off Dean for eternity and are forever known as the workplace tease. Ugh. About halfway through the song, you chance a glance over at Dean. I think it’s working, he can’t take his eyes off of us. You continue to dance, grinding your hips against Devon’s. Sinking deeper into Devon, you run your hands along his chest and lick your lips. 

The next song is “Fastest Girl in Town” by Miranda Lambert. You turn around, hike your dress up, just a little and bend your knees even further so your ass can grind against his pelvis. You can no longer see Dean or Devon, just feel the warmth of someone behind you. Soon you feel an arm wrap around your waist and pull you in closer. He is grinding back against you hard, totally unexpected. You lean your body back to rest your back against his chest, tilt your head back and look up into a gleaming pair of emerald eyes. I was right, he does care about me! I have so many questions, but right now I just want to enjoy this. He leans down and plants a fierce, demanding kiss on your lips. You grind your hips back into his harder, increasing friction. 

You can feel the heat coming off of him as he moves his mouth to your ear and growls. “You really shouldn’t tease me like this. It makes me want to take you here and now.” His teeth pull at your earlobe and a savage growl rumbles through his chest. You grind into him again and reach one arm around to the back on his neck, encouraging him to ravage you even more. Oh yes, this worked wonderfully.


	7. Faded Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: Faded Away – Luke Bryan  
> Album: Tailgates & Tanlines

Faded Away

“You really shouldn’t tease me like this. It makes me want to take you here and now.” His teeth pull at your earlobe and a savage growl rumbles through his chest. You grind into him again and reach one arm around to the back of his neck, encouraging him to ravage you even more. He moans and his lips find the tender skin of your neck. His lips caress your skin as he lightly sucks at your neck. Adrenaline and excitement course through your veins. Then he spins you around on the ball of your boot heels and plants a kiss full of desperation on your lips. It is so full of passion that you feel yourself go weak at the knees and one foot lifts slightly off the floor. His hands are searching their way all over your body like he just can’t help himself. Your hand floats up to tangle in his soft locks. With a grunt, he grabs your hand pulling away from your lips. His eyes are full of desire and danger. It makes you hunger for his lips to be back on yours. 

“Follow me.” He whispers in a low growl sending chills through your body.

He holds your hand the whole way to his car. He spins you around as you approach the car so that your back is pressed up against the door. He lifts you up with ease, his biceps flexing under your hands, and your legs wrap around his waist. He kisses you again, a little softer this time. 

“You’ve teased me to the brink of madness, Y/N. Now it’s my turn.” He kisses you softly, strongly, full of passion. As he continues kissing you he reaches behind you and opens the back door of the Impala. He gently guides you into the backseat, his mouth not leaving yours for more than a millisecond until you are laying down on the back seat. He kneels on the floorboard at your feet. You sit up and kiss him again. He gently pushes you back down.

“Just lay back and relax. Now it’s my turn to make you squirm, just like you made me.”

“But, Dean,” you whine shifting your legs, a hunger growing between them.

He bites his lip. “Shhhh…trust me, Y/N. This is for your own good as well as mine.”

His strong, callused hands glide their way up your thighs. He pushes your dress up, revealing your silk panties, which shine in the small amount of light filtering in from the single parking lot light. His palms, stop on top of your thighs. His fingers twitch, aching to move closer to that small piece of fabric. He licks his lip slowly. 

“Y/N, I want to make you so wet, so ready for me, that you cannot stand it. Do you want that?”

“Oh, Dean. Yes, please.”

His fingers slide down to your inner thigh and you let out a small sigh. Painstakingly slow, his fingers inch their way closer to your panties. They reach the very edge of your panties and so lightly that you almost can’t feel it, they graze the silk of the fabric. 

Then, Dean shifts his body so he is now kneeling between your legs. The hunger in his eyes is palpable. His gaze floats up to your eyes, making sure you are still wanting. He leans over, kisses your inner thigh making your leg twitch with anticipation. He kisses you again where your thigh meets your hip making you moan. Then as his hand trembles on your thigh, his kisses find their way to the smooth silk. He kisses the fabric just above your clit, causing you to whimper. Then he moves down a millimeter and his tongue massages against the silk. He has you so built up that you immediately feel yourself getting damp. But Dean doesn’t want you to cum just yet. 

He moves his mouth from your panties and kisses your inner thigh again, lovingly. His hands are on your thighs massaging them. He waits for your breathing to steady again. Then his tongue is back on your panties. But its just teasing at them. Not actually rubbing against you, just the panties. Just enough to make the panties glide back and forth over you. Just the thought of his tongue making contact at this point is enough to make your heart race and your breathing speed up. Every once in a while, the tip of his tongue will flick out just a tiny bit further pushing your panties against your clit. Your body is writhing, pleading him for more. You can feel the wetness building between your legs. Every lick of his tongue feels like it is pushing against your core, even though his tongue isn’t touching you at all. Every flick and twitch of his tongue sends you deeper and deeper into a euphoric trance.

“Mmmm, that’s my girl.” Dean hums and you arch your back in response to the vibrations that flow inside you. Dean deepens his movements. His tongue now pushing the slick silk fabric against your clit. Slowly licking up your folds, making you beg for more. Then moving in quick waves like you have never felt before against your clit. Your body shakes and vibrates and you aren’t sure if you can keep going, but don’t want to stop. His tongue does circles around your clit and once he finds that sweet spot, he makes sure to keep swirling back around to it. He knows you are getting close to an orgasm as your panties are now soaked through and he can fully taste you. The sound of his tongue pushing against your wetness, his breathing erratic and you moaning in pleasure is like a symphony to your senses. Then, he growls as he deepens his tongue movements further sending you into a tailspin. You can’t think straight and you feel like you are going to absolutely explode. 

As you get even closer to an orgasm, you are no longer able to speak and can hardly make any noise. You try to pull away a little from his intense movements but are unable to due to the small space. You don’t actually want to stop, you just need to be able to catch your breath. He must have noticed though because he slowed his movements back down. You are able to catch your breath, but your heart is still racing. It feels like it’s going to burst out of your chest. Just then, his tongue moves slowly and hits your sweet spot. After such a build-up, you immediately throw your head back and arch your back high as Dean’s movements pull a shower of expletives from your lips. You feel your body tingle all over and your skin feels like it’s radiating with heat. He quickens his movements and you can’t even form words. You moan loudly, then as he swirls back around you lose your breath entirely as your body is overcome with extreme pleasure. You freeze your movements, afraid that the slightest movement will cause Dean to lose the building momentum. Your vision blanks, white-hot and you feel a powerful explosion erupt as a rainbow of colors fills your inner eyelids. His tongue laps at your panties a few more times to make sure that you are good and satisfied. Then, he sits up and moves his hands down your legs to your calves. The weight of his hands on your calves feels like the only thing that is keeping you from floating away. Your body is shaking involuntarily and you can’t help but laugh at the strange sensation. You lift your head and look at Dean and his eyes are so full of love that it overwhelms your heart. 

As you are coming down from your orgasm, gazing upon Dean with a content smile, you realize something. You are deeply in love with this man and he went two weeks without even trying to contact you, no phone call, no message, nothing. The thought shakes you right out of your mood and you want to shift gears. You sit up, straighten yourself up a little, and cross your legs so that you are sitting up facing Dean. The look on his face tells you what you need to know to move forward. This man, whether he will admit it or not, loves you too. He scoots over in the seat so that he is now seating facing you. He leans over and kisses you lightly on the lips. 

“Better?” Dean asks smiling at you.

“What?” you are confused by the question.

“Do you feel better now?”

“Um, yeah, I guess, but I really think we should talk,” you say trying not to smile at the gorgeous man before you.

“Oh, what about?”

“Dean…” you sigh. “Dean, the last time I saw you was an amazing night, or at least I thought it was. Then I didn’t hear from you for two weeks. And the only reason, I am seeing you tonight is because I came here, uninvited.”

Dean’s smile drops, his jaw clenched, his brow furrows just slightly and he runs a hand over his face. “Y/N, every time I see you it is amazing. I am sorry I have not been back in contact with you. A family issue came up and I needed to focus on that getting resolved. I knew if I so much as called you, heard your voice, I would not be able to focus on my family. I had to let you fade away, like music on the radio, the flames of the fire, and the sun going down the day we met. Girl you….just faded away.” You could feel your heart start to break for this man. He let his feelings for you go, so he could be there for his family. “If I’d have known I would see you again, would have a chance with you at something real, I would have held on a little tighter, fought a little harder. But honestly, I never expected you to want to stick with a guy like me.”

“A guy like you?… What do you mean a guy like you? You are an amazing man.” You scoot forward and place one hand on his cheek and look right into his eyes so that he will understand just how much you mean what you are about to say. “So considerate, loving, caring, devoted. How could I not want that?”

Dean sighed and lowered his head. “It’s really hard for me to explain. I think the best way for you to understand is to talk to Jo.”

“Jo? Oh, shoot, Jo! She moved out the last time I saw you and I haven’t been able to reach her since. It’s part of the reason why I came to the Roadhouse tonight. To find someone who could help me to contact her.”

“Oh. Well let me make a quick phone call and I’ll meet you back inside the bar.” Dean said as he opened the door to the Impala. 

You walked back into the bar and sat at a stool next to Sam. You ordered a whiskey. Your head was spinning with ideas as to what Dean could have meant by his comment and you needed the thought train to stop.

You took a sip of your whiskey. It was smooth and a little burn felt good, quieted your mind some.

Dean wrapped one arm around your back and kissed your cheek. You took a swig of the whiskey, spun your stool around, kissed him and let the whiskey flow from your mouth to his. A smile spread across his lips, making you smile too.

“Thanks, babe.” Dean chuckled. “So, Jo will be at your apartment tomorrow around lunch.” 

“Oh, thank you so much, Dean.” You said as you stood and gave him a hug.

He left one arm wrapped around your shoulder and walked you to your car. “Look, Y/N, I’m going out of town for a while. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone. It’s a family thing. I’m hoping we can get it resolved fast, but sometimes, it just doesn’t work that way. I will call you as soon as I get back into town and we can get together. Maybe even go out to dinner.”

“I’d like that. I would really like that.” You say already missing Dean. “Just don’t stay gone too long.”

He places a soft kiss on your lips and hugs you tight before walking back into the bar. “I love you, Dean Winchester,” you whisper as he walks away, unsure when you will see him again.


	8. Words & Whiskey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: You Don’t Know Jack – Luke Bryan  
> Album: Tailgates & Tanlines

Words & Whiskey

Jo was just about to turn out the lights for the night when her phone rang. The screen illuminating brightly in the dim bedroom. 

Dean. Crap. I haven’t talked to him since the whole thing with Y/N went down. 

“Hello,” Jo answered.

“Hey, Jo. I know that you are mad at me and that you and Y/N had a big fight, but I really need your help.”

“What’s going on Dean?”

“Well, you see…”Dean started to explain. Jo could just picture him getting all nervous and rubbing the back of his neck. “I need for you to talk to Y/N. I need you to tell her about me… everything about me.”

“Um…everything?” Jo questioned.

“Okay, maybe not e-e-everything. Don’t scare her or anything. Just help her to see why a relationship with me just won’t work. Can you do that?”

“I don’t know, Dean. So basically you are asking me to break her heart and push her away so that you won’t have to. Right?”

“It’s not like that Jo. Please, just do this for me. I will owe you,” Dean pleaded.

“Yes, yes you will Dean Winchester.” The line went silent for a while. 

“Fine. I’ll be at her apartment tomorrow around lunch,” Jo conceded.

“Thank you, Jo. Really, thank you.”

“Yeah, like I said, you owe me,” Jo asserted as she hung up the phone.

She tossed her phone on the nightstand and exhaled deeply, crashing face down onto the mattress. 

Just great. This is not going to be easy.

Back at the bar, Dean said his farewells to Y/N and walked back into the bar. As he walked away, he swore he heard her whisper that she loves him, but he cannot let it affect him. Not if he is going to push her away, and he knows he must. The hunter life is no place for Y/N.

She is far too precious to him to get her wrapped up in the hunter life. He opened the door to the bar, walked in, and waited for the door to close behind him before letting out a sigh. The tinted bar windows hid him as he turned around and watched her climb into her car and drive off.

Once Y/N was gone, Dean went back outside and dialed Jo again.

“Um…hello?” Jo answered, confused that Dean was calling her again.

“You’re right,” Dean stated.

“What?” Jo was very confused now.

“You’re right Jo. I do owe you. I owe you so very much. I haven’t been fair to you ever since we met.”

“Dean, you don’t have to…” Jo protested.

“Jo, please. This isn’t easy for me. Please just let me get this off my chest,” Dean confessed.

Jo was silent, allowing Dean to continue. 

“Jo, you mean so much to me. You are like the little sister I never had. I care deeply for you and don’t want to see you hurt, but I know what happened with Y/N has hurt you so much. I want for the two of you to get along, who knows maybe you two can even be friends again once I’m out of the picture.”

He really doesn’t know Jack. 

“You just don’t get it, Dean,” Jo snapped into the phone.

“I like you. I have always liked you. But not like my older brother. That’s right. I actually have feelings for you. But you’re such an idiot that either you don’t see it or you chose to ignore it. Either way, it doesn’t matter. I know you don’t feel that way about me and I never wanted to put you in this position. I didn’t want you to feel bad for not feeling that way about me. Well, now here we are. I had no choice. Now you know and there’s no taking it back. Regardless of my feelings, I have watched you go through girl after girl and never said a word. Why? Because Dean, that’s what you do when you truly care about someone and want for them to be happy. Do you get that Dean? I would do anything for your happiness. Even dump Y/N for you, if that’s what it takes. Will that make you happy though Dean?”

Shit, how had I missed that?! 

“Jo…I had no idea Jo…I’m so sorry.” Dean whispered into the phone.

“Don’t be…just be happy Dean. For me. What will it take for you to be truly happy?” Jo whimpered back.

“I don’t know Jo. I am trying, but most times, I just don’t know.” Dean admitted. “I do know that I cannot have it all. I cannot have my brother and myself, my friends and family, and have safety and love. It’s just not the way my life is. That’s why Y/N cannot become a part of it. It just won’t work.”

Damn, he has it bad. I wonder if Y/N knows just how much he cares for her. 

“If that’s really the way you feel, then I will meet Y/N tomorrow and talk to her. But only if you are sure that’s what you want,” Jo stated.

Dean paused. 

Of course, it’s not what I want but it’s what has to happen. 

“Yes, Jo. It’s what I want. I want her to have a safe, happy future and that’s not going to happen with her by my side.”

“Okay, Dean,” Jo said and waited. 

Are we okay now or is this going to make everything really weird?

“Jo, thank you for telling me. I know that wasn’t easy. Are we good?” Dean cautiously asked.

“Yeah, we’re good. Just find happiness Dean,” Jo said as she smiled. 

I’ve got to try to help him find his happiness. He won’t do it alone.

The next morning, at your apartment, you roll over in bed. Your eyelids still are heavy and don’t want to open, but your brain is starting to wake up. Memories of last night start to filter their way back in through your morning haze. 

There was Dean. Oh yes, there was Dean. 

You shift under your covers and moan groggily as you remember. Slowly, your memory becomes less hazy. Dean was saying something, something you didn’t quite understand, your mind is still too hazy to remember what exactly. Then it hits you, jolting you out of your haze. Your eyes open and you wanted to slam them back shut, pretend it was just a dream. 

No, that isn’t what happened. Dean and you had a wonderful night and you didn’t get words or feelings involved. You just let it happen and be an amazing night. 

But you know that isn’t the truth. Dean gave you the most amazing orgasm and asked for nothing in return. You realized that you loved him and he loved you. Then, you threw the last two weeks right in his face. 

What was I thinking?! 

Now all you were left with was confusion.

What did he mean a guy like him? And what does Jo know about him that she hadn’t told you already?

Your mind was reeling. 

Jo? Jo! She is supposed to come over today around lunch!

You launched yourself out of bed. Hurriedly got dressed and ran out the door to grab some food to make lunch.

A couple of hours later, you were preparing lunch when there was a knock on your door. “Come in.” You called placing the food into the oven, you set the timer and turn around. The door opened and Jo walked in. 

“Hi, Jo.” You say as you slid the oven mitts off of your hands and set them on the counter.

“Hey Y/N,” Jo says walking into the kitchen and pulled a chair out from the table.

“Lunch is in the oven, should be done in about 15.” You smiled, sinking into the chair across from her.

You nervously tap your fingernails against the table, unsure where to begin. Luckily, you didn’t have to.

“So, I’m assuming Dean told you to expect me.” Jo started.

You nod your head and smirk a little.

“What else did he say exactly?” Jo inquired.

“Well, not that I really understand why, but he said that I needed to talk to you. That you would be able to explain better.” You stated.

“Explain what exactly?” Jo asked, her voice hesitant.

“He said that he never expected me to want to stick around with a guy like him. But when I asked him what he meant by that, he wouldn’t explain.” You fold your hands to steady your nerves as to what Jo could possibly have to tell you.

She doesn’t know Jack. He hasn’t told her anything. No monster attacked, no hunting occurred, nothing. Dean is simply pushing her away because he cares about her too much to see her get hurt. First things first then.

“Okay.” Jo paused, taking a deep breath, then started again. 

“Y/N, I know that when we last saw each other things between us were not good. I was really angry with you for hooking up with Dean. I was so angry that I wasn’t thinking or seeing things clearly. I am so sorry.” Jo said as she reached out and grabbed your hands. You pull back slightly, shocked at her apology. 

I knew she was mad at me, but I never expected her to apologize. After all, what happened isn’t just her fault.

“I should have taken the time to listen to you, to see things from your side. It’s just…well…I doubt you remember, but the night of the bonfire as you were getting ready, I told you about a guy that I had feelings for but he didn’t reciprocate those feelings…well…that was Dean and I thought you knew that especially after I left and saw the text messages that you sent to him.”

The timer on the oven rang and you went over to pull lunch out in order for it cool off.

Joining Jo back at the table you gently explained. “Oh, Jo. I’m sorry too.” 

“I thought it might have been Dean, but since you had said that he wasn’t reciprocating your feelings, I thought that you had let him go and it wouldn’t bother you if I got closer with him. Especially since you were the one that encouraged me to go that night by telling me that there were some good looking guys there and then introducing me to him. I thought that was what you wanted.”

Jo chuckled, “No, I thought that you might have a thing for Sam actually. With him being the scholarly, tall, dark and handsome type and all.”

You laughed back. “Sam’s good looking and all, but there’s just something about Dean. I was instantly drawn to him.”

Jo smiled at you, “Well, I guess our taste in guys is closer to the same than I thought.” She cares for him too. Good.

You got up and made two plates with food. One for you and one for her. You glanced over at her.

“Is soda okay?” You were unsure. 

Is she still upset with me? She’s laughing and smiling. It’s really confusing.

“That’s perfect,” Jo replied.

Within just a few more minutes, you could tell she had let go of the past. You spend the rest of lunch catching up on work gossip and what she has been up to since she left. You were getting along, just like you used to, so well that you don’t even realize when you have been sitting there chatting for over an hour. 

Jo’s phone buzzed as she checked the time, seeing the text from Dean. “Oh look at the time! I have an appointment to get to. But how about we get together in a few days to catch up some more.” Jo suggested.

“Perfect, how about the coffee shop down the street, Tuesday?” You inquire.

“Sounds wonderful,” Jo said standing up and walking out the door with a smile. “See you Tuesday.”

On the way home, Jo checked Dean’s text.

“Is it done?”

“Not yet.”

“Okay, well it looks like we are stuck on this case for a few days, so you have some time.”

“We are meeting Tuesday morning. All should be clearer after that.” Jo chuckled inwardly to herself. 

Yeah, that’s vague enough to work. He has no idea that I’m hoping to patch things up instead of end them.

“Thank you, Jo.”

Sunday late afternoon, Sam walked into the dingy hotel room they were staying at. The case they were working on was taking longer than expected and it looked like they may be sticking around for a while. 

“Dean, get up.” Sam snapped at Dean.

“It’s four in the afternoon and you haven’t moved an inch since I left this morning. You really should get up and shower and maybe eat something.” Sam scolded.

“Uuuggh.” Dean moaned rolling over in the bed. “Sam, not now. Please, just shhhh. Let me sleep.” Dean draped one arm over his eyes to cover the light threatening to break his slumber.

“Seriously, Dean. What is with you?! We have work to do and ever since Y/N left the bar the other night, all you’ve wanted to do is sleep or drink. What’s going on?” Sam said, concern filling his words.

“Nothing, I’m fine. Just tired.” Dean grunted.

Bullshit, he’s fine. He’s so far from fine. I need to find a way to snap him out of this.

“Well, tired or not, I could really use your help on this case.” Sam sneered.

Dean groaned and sat up, his hand dragged across the sheets as he slowly lifts himself off the bed. He ran a hand over his face. 

“What is it now, Sammy?” Dean asked.

“Great, now that your up, we really need to get to work on this case,” Sam said.

“Okay, fine. But first, can I borrow your wallet?”

“What?! My wallet?! Why?!” Sam barked defensively.

“Because Sam, all of my cards have been maxed, and I don’t have time to deal with getting a new one.” Dean snapped back.

“And what do you need to buy in order for us to work on this case?” Sam cautiously questioned.

“I don’t blame you. I know what you think. I’d just use it to buy another drink.” Dean hung his head and slouched back down onto the bed. 

But you don’t know Jack. I’ve lost it all and I can’t go back with just a telephone call. 

Sam crossed the room and sat down on the opposite bed, paying close attention to his brother.

So if you think it’s just a bottle in an old brown paper sack, you don’t know Jack.

Dean looked up and the pain in his eyes cut Sam straight to the heart. 

If you’ve never felt a fire, running through your veins. If you’ve never seen the devil face to face, you don’t know Jack. Double shot, 80 proof, on the rocks.

A single tear ran down Dean’s face.

So brother, just be glad. And tonight when you talk to God, count up all your blessings and thank the lord that, you don’t know Jack.

Sam closed the space between them and embraced him in a hug. 

He’s spiraling. I didn’t realize just how much he cared for her. And he let her go, all because he was too scared to let her in, to let her be a part of this world. There’s no way I can let it end this way.

Dean pulled away from the hug, stood up and walked out the door without a word. Sam heard the engine to the Impala startup. Usually, Sam would go after his brother, but this time, he knew Dean needed some space.

Tuesday morning, you meet Jo at a local coffee shop. She smiles and waves at you as you enter. You smile back, noticing that she already has a cup of coffee. You head up to the counter to order before you join her. 

“Hiya, Jo.” You casually greeted her.

“Hi, Y/N.” Jo beamed back.

She’s in a really chipper mood today. I guess she really is okay with everything now.

“So last time we got together was a lot of fun and I had a really great time catching up with you.” You began.

“It was really nice to reconnect.” Jo agreed.

“But it did leave me with a few questions still.” You had to admit.

“I’m not surprised about that. It’s part of why I suggested we meet again so soon.” Jo confessed. “So what kind of questions do you have?”

“Well, first off. What made you decide that you weren’t angry or upset with me anymore?” You looked down at your cup of coffee.

“Well, I had a discussion with Dean and came to the realization that I just want him to be happy. I know that he will never see me the same way that I see him, but I can be okay with that. As long as he is happy.” Jo explained.

“That makes sense. If you really care about someone after all, then you are able to set them free and let them live their life how they want and can just be happy that they are happy.”

You took a sip of your coffee to delay the major question on your mind. 

I really need to know, but I’m not sure I want to know.

Jo watched you stall. “What is it you really want to know Y/N?”

You sigh. “Okay, so Dean said that I wouldn’t want to be with a guy like him and that you would be able to explain it to me. What does he mean a guy like him? What’s so wrong with him that I wouldn’t want to be around?”

“Well, let me start by asking you a question. How do you feel about Dean?” Jo asked trying to figure out how to answer the question.

“Jo, I love him. I am head over heels in love with him. He doesn’t know it, but I would do anything for him. It is killing me not being able to see him or be near him.” You blushed.

“And do you think anything I tell you could ever change that answer?” Jo inquired.

“I’m not sure. I mean I’ve thought a lot about this. And if you were to tell me that he was a criminal or that he was in a cult or that he was an addict, those things wouldn’t change my feelings. Now if you were to tell me that he is a suicidal mass murderer on a killing spree across the country and that all of his past girlfriends had died at his hands, that I may have to think over a bit. But I think, anything you could tell me would not change the way that I feel about Dean.” 

Or at least I hope not.

“Okay, Y/N. Dean only wanted me to tell you a glimpse of the truth. But I believe, with what I’ve just heard, what I have seen of your relationship with him and what I know of you, you are strong enough to handle and deserve to know the full truth.” Jo’s face got deadly serious as she prepared you for what you were about to learn.

On the way back home, Jo pulled out her phone and sent a text to Dean.

“It’s done. I told her everything.”

But he has no clue that she didn’t flinch, not even once. Not when she found out his mom burned alive, not when she found out he hunted demons and monsters and that was his life, and not when she found out that he had been to hell and back. She took it like a true warrior and even said it only increased her feelings for him. Now just to get them back together so that he can see it with his own eyes.

By Friday, Sam had pretty much solved the case single-handed and was done watching Dean bury himself. He found his brother down the street at a local bar. Dean was downing whiskey like it was the best tasting water he had ever had. Sam could tell Dean was pretty far gone. Sam sat down at the bar next to him and asked the barkeep for a double shot of Jack on the rocks and a double with just ice water. 

“You know…you don’t know Jack.” Sam started.

“Whhhaat?” The word came out slow and slurred.

“You’re an absolute idiot and you have no idea what you are doing.”

“Whachu talkin’ ‘bout?”

“Y/N, Dean. You have no idea what you are doing. You love her. I know you do. And I’m pretty sure she loves you too.” Sam explained.

Dean set his glass down and while he was busy talking Sam swapped it out for the ice water, Dean was none the wiser.

“She did, not now. Not after I had Jo told her everythin’.”

“You did what?” Sam asked surprised by this news.

“Yep, Jo told her all about me, how I was no good for her, unsafe, that she should forget me.” Dean’s speech slowly getting clearer, though still slow and smashed together.

“Oh, you are one sorry son of a…Dean, Y/N isn’t going to let something like that stop her. She loves you. She gave up her lifelong friendship with Jo, for you. She was willing to risk never seeing the one person who has always been there for her, for a chance with you. Just wait, you will see. This isn’t the end and you will see Y/N again.”

“If you say so, but I just don’t see it.”

“Well right now, I’m pretty sure your vision is a little blurry. Let’s head back, get some rest and it will all be clearer in the morning.” Sam offered to help Dean up.

“Okay, Sammy.” Dean reached one groggy arm up to Sam’s shoulders to steady himself.

Once they got back to the hotel, Dean fell onto the mattress, rather haphazardly, passed out before he felt it beneath him. Sam went back outside and dialed Jo.

“Hey, Jo. I just wanted to check in with you and let you know, we will be back in town tomorrow night.” Sam said.

“Oh, Sam! That’s perfect! I talked to Y/N. I told her everything.” She gushed.

“I know Jo. You shouldn’t have done that. Even if Dean asked you to.” Sam scolded, shaking his head, even though she couldn’t see him.

“No Sam. Dean doesn’t know Jack. Y/N doesn’t scare that easily. I told her everything and I mean everything and it didn’t scare her. Not in the slightest. It only made her want to see him want to be with him even more so.” Jo explained. “She’s completely on board and has no issues with the whole give up your current life situation. She doesn’t care as long as she can have Dean in her life.”

“Really? That’s great Jo!” Sam said excitedly. “Oh, it will be so nice to have Dean back. I will see you soon.”


	9. Crossroad Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: Lauv-Breathe; Tailgate Blues-Luke Bryan - Album: Tailgate and Tanlines; Maroon 5 – Better That We Break
> 
> POV: Dean
> 
> This takes place in the middle of Words and Whiskey when Dean drives off and ends up burying himself in alcohol.

Crossroad Blues

The air was too heavy, too thick in the motel room. I couldn’t stay there for another second. So I started up Baby and just drove. I wasn’t sure where I was headed but knew I had to get out of there. Sam trying to comfort me wouldn’t make any of this any easier for anyone. I know he meant well, but it just isn’t how I’m going to move past this. I haven’t slept sober since I last saw Y/N and waking up is so hard to do. Everything is reminding me of her. She’s perfection and this just gets harder every day. Perhaps it’s better off this way.

I drove into the darkness of night for hours. Letting the stillness of the night and the soothing rumble of Baby’s engine lull me into a trance. After a few miles, I started to let my mind wander. I let myself forget how I was feeling and just focused on the drive. The dark twisting, turning roads, the miles and miles of gravel with not another soul in sight. I just let it all wash over me. At some point, I stopped paying attention to where I was driving and just let my heart guide me. 

When I finally stopped the car I found myself in that clearing, where I first saw Y/N. I don’t know how I got there, but there I was. There was no moonlight filtering through to where the crickets sang their song. When they quieted down, I told them my story. I told them everything I’ve lost. 

So now I’m sitting here alone, catching a buzz in the black of night. The warm wind blows through the trees where nobody ever goes anymore. If I lose my cool, it just shows that I’m not alright. 

This field was a little more crowded that night, I was playing her a tailgate show. I’ve since seen her eyes light up when she smiles, watched a river flow from them during her fight with Jo. She’s taught me so much and it’s killing me. It’s killing me to say I’m fine because, without her, I’m not. I’m not fine, I’m in pain. I think it’s better that we break.

She’s so much more than my everything, but if I don’t put space between us she’s going to end up hurt. She’s my all and more. I just need to breathe. Damn this music coming through the speakers, hitting me right where she belongs.

Do I try to get her back, keep her? That would put her in danger. Do I let her go, keep her safe? My life would be miserable that way.

I know I should leave, let her go, cause she deserves better; better than all I can give her. I gotta break away, it’s now or never. These feelings are too strong though to just walk away.

There ain’t no telling what tomorrow might bring. 

Maybe me and a shot of Jack, but it won’t be enough to chase away these crossroad blues.


	10. That Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: I Knew You That Way-Luke Bryan, Album: Tailgates and Tanlines
> 
> POV: Dean

That Way

The next morning you woke up to the sun filtering through the thin off-white curtains of the motel. You weren’t ready to wake up though, your mind still wanted to dream just a little longer. You rolled over and pulled the blankets over your head, your eyes flicker open for a moment as you watch the starch white sheet drift down to the bed. 

That image floated your mind back in time, to a lazy Saturday not too long ago.

You had a weekend without a hunt and had decided to spend it with Y/N. You had gotten a hotel room and when you woke up in the morning neither of you were in a hurry to leave the bed. You spent the day in bed, letting your fingers gently trace every inch, every curve, and dip of Y/N’s body. Memorizing every rise and fall, the way she felt, the way she smelled, everything about her. You were suddenly back in that moment. You felt the warm softness of her skin against your fingertips, The sheets suddenly smelled like her; her soap, her shampoo, her perfume, all of it.

You closed your eyes again and inhaled deeply, letting the memory carry you back into a waking dream. You laid there for some time just letting the memory wash over you. There was a comforting relaxation that flowed through you. All of your muscles relaxed and you felt as if you were breathing for the first time all week. You reached out to pull Y/N closer to you, needing to feel her body against yours and found nothing but empty bedsheets. Your eyes flew back open and your heart sank in the realization of what you had done.

You loved Y/N, possibly more than anyone you have ever cared for before and you have pushed her away. Tried to force the feelings that were between you to not exist, but they did and no distance would change that. Wherever Y/N was at, was where you belonged. You were bound to her by something strong, but still wild and free. Without her time crawled and you were miserable, you needed Y/N with you. You needed for her to be in your life. You had to see her again. You pushed the blankets down and threw your feet over the edge of the bed. You sat there a moment, tightly gripping the edge of the bed. What if the mistakes you made broke Y/N’s heart? The only thing that time couldn’t erase was the way that you knew each other. 

You had no right to get so close to her, knowing that your life was dangerous and you wouldn’t be able to have a lasting relationship with her, but you were connected to her the way that thunder is to lightning. She was so bright and beautiful that you couldn’t help getting struck by her. When your skin touched her’s a crazy fire ignited between you and burned all night with desire. Yet you were also able to lay together in silence, comfortable and content to just stay in each other’s arms all night. You held onto her tighter than you had a right to and when things started to get too intense, you ran away, hoping that the distance would make it all disappear. It didn’t. 

Now your only hope was.to remind her that you knew her that way, she knew you that way too, and you belonged together.


	11. Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye-Luke Bryan, Album: Tailgates and Tanlines

Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye

As you left the coffee shop you were beyond confused. You loved Dean with all of your heart and it hurt so much to be away from him, but after learning everything about him from Jo, your brain wasn’t aligning with what your heart felt. You no longer knew if being with Dean was what you truly wanted. Even so, you still longed to see him again. You needed to talk to him, but not until you have had some time to really think about it all first. 

You planned on trying to call him Sunday; that would give you the rest of the week to try to sort out just how you feel. The week flew by quickly, between work and your mind being occupied with everything you had learned, it was Saturday night before you knew it. Your cell phone rang as you were settling in with some pizza and Netflix for the night. 

“Hi Jo,” you answered after checking the ID.

“Hi Y/N.”

“What’s up?” you questioned.

“Not much. Just was calling to see how you are doing,” Jo stated, but you could tell there was more reasoning behind her calling.

“Okay, I guess, considering everything,” you replied.

“That’s great Y/N. You are taking all of this so well. I’m so proud of you,” Jo beamed.

“Um…thanks?” you responded, realizing that she had no idea you were freaking out inside over everything she told you. She seriously thinks that you would be willing to give up everything, your life, your family, your friends, everything to go run around chasing down “monsters” that you weren’t even really sure existed. You weren’t sure if they were the crazy ones or if you were going crazy for actually considering if all of it was true. You shook your head because it didn’t matter one way or another; you still needed to see Dean again.

“So…Dean and Sam will probably be back in town soon. Do you wanna meet up with them or something? We could all four get together and grab dinner or drinks or something,” Jo awkwardly asked you.

“Yeah, sure, I guess so,” you answered. You really were hoping to have some time just you and Dean to talk things out, but you didn’t want to put yourself on bad terms with Jo again. So you agreed with her but hoped that things would play out a little differently.

“Okay, I’ll call you as soon as I hear from them. I think they are supposed to be back this weekend. I’ll talk to you soon. Have a great night Y/N,” Jo said cheerfully.

“Night Jo. Talk to you soon,” you quickly said and hung up the phone. 

After a few slices of pizza, half a bottle of wine, and making it 3/4th of the way through The Longest Ride, your heart was aching and you couldn’t help yourself. You dialed Dean’s phone. To your surprise, you heard a phone ringing, but it wasn’t through the speaker of your phone. The sound was coming from right outside of your door. Without hanging up your phone, you walked over and opened your door.

The tall, green-eyed hunter stood on your doorstep with his phone suspended in his hand. As you opened the door, he looked up at you and froze like a deer caught in headlights. 

You smiled at him and looked down at his phone. “You gonna answer that?”

“Oh-um-…” Dean fumbled with his phone for a moment and then shoved it into his pocket. “Don’t really need to now.” He smirked as he looked back up at you.

“I-I thought you weren’t going to be back in town until tomorrow,” you mumbled nervously.

“Yeah, we got in a little earlier than expected,” Dean shrugged.

“Okay, well…um…would you like to come in?” you asked hesitantly.

“Of course sweetheart,” Dean replied as he stepped forward, giving you a sweet peck on the cheek.

You turned and watched as Dean walked into your apartment and made himself at home. You couldn’t help but think that it just felt more like home with him here.

Your mind drifted into a daze, filled with thoughts that you couldn’t erase, like if he hadn’t left would you have never learned the truth about him. If you asked him to would he stay or does he expect for you to leave with him? The voices inside won’t leave you alone. You wondered if you could give up everything for him, you wondered if he would do the same for you, you wondered if he might be the one.

His deep voice broke through your haze, “Are you okay, Y/N?”

You snapped your gaze to him, “Yeah, I’m fine, “ trying to act like everything was okay. You closed the door and walked over to sit next to him on the couch.

As you sat down, he sighed deeply and stared down at the pizza. “You’re not fine, Y/N.”

“Yes, I am…” You began to protest but Dean cut you short.

“Y/N, I know you better than anyone,” Dean stated as he took your chin in his hand and turned your face to look you in the eye.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Dean,” you admitted trying unsuccessfully to look away, “No, I’m not okay. You can’t seriously…”

Dean’s lips crashed into yours and your train of thought derailed.

“Dean…” you whined against his lips as you squeezed your eyes tight shut and tried to pull your focus back to what you were wanting to tell him.

“Shhh…just…” Dean’s warm breath ghosted against your lips before his lips softly caressed against yours again.

You melted into the kiss, letting the feel of his lips on yours become the main focus of your attention. All worry and concern about what you had learned about Dean vanishing to be replaced by memories of your past with him.

“Y/N, please. All I’m asking for is one more night,” Dean pleaded as his fingers grazed along your cheek. “One night like things were before. Just for one more night remember when you loved me like I was your everything and you didn’t have to try.”

Dean’s eyes searched your face, looking for the love in your eyes he so desperately hoped he hadn’t lost forever. For a second, the corners of his mouth twitched. He saw it, just for a split second, but it was still lurking underneath the surface. “Please sweetheart, let’s not worry about what Jo told you just yet. Let’s just live in this moment. Enjoy that we are together again and cherish every second of it. Spend tonight with me. Lay next to me for one more night. Let me fall asleep with your head laying on my chest and wake up to find you wrapped in my arms. Then in the morning, if you want to talk about everything we will. Please tell me you want me to stay, Y/N.”

You pulled your legs up underneath you onto the couch and rotated so that you were facing Dean.

“Dean, I don’t just want you to stay, I need you to stay. I have missed you so much over the past week. Yes, I want to talk about everything. I have so many questions. But at this moment, none of that seems to matter. All I want, all I need is you here with me.” You leaned forward, cradling his cheek in your hand, and gently, hesitantly, kissed him.

He placed his hand on the back of your head and pressed his lips deeper into yours. You smiled into the kiss and pulled back to look into his eyes.

He smiled back, his face so full of happiness that crinkles formed next to his eyes. “So what movie are we watching?”

“Oh, um…you won’t wanna watch this. It’s got chick flick moments.” You blushed.

“As long as I get to sit next to you, I’m good with that. And it looks like there’s plenty of pizza.” Dean said as he threw his arm around your shoulders.

“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” You said as you snuggled into his side and pressed play on the remote. 

You both ate a slice of pizza and watched the movie, but didn’t really pay attention to it. Your focus was on how it felt to be cozied up next to each other. After about ten minutes, you were completely relaxed and at ease, actually watching the movie.

A moment later, you felt Dean’s fingers glide down your arm. This movement sent a shiver through you and completely refocused your attention on Dean, but you kept pretending to be interested in the movie knowing he wouldn’t stop there. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Dean watching you, completely ignoring the movie. 

You smirked, “Liking the movie Dean?”

“Wha-oh-um-yeah. It’s really good,” Dean said trying to mask the fact that he hasn’t caught one bit of the movie.

“Uh huh.” You chuckled and focused back on the movie.

Thirty seconds later, Dean’s hand dropped down to your waist. He quickly found the hem to your shirt and slid his fingers up underneath. Your breathing staggered as you immediately knew where this was headed. Dean has learned after your first movie night together that when you were truly relaxed, featherlight fingers tracing your side, did not make you laugh. They did not tickle you or make you try to squirm away from his touch.

In fact, when you were really relaxed, the feeling of Dean’s fingers barely brushing against your side created a burning flame within your core. The feeling of his calloused fingertips grazing against your skin made you want to push him down onto the couch and ravage him from head to toe. But tonight was different. You didn’t want to think too much on that, but tonight you wanted the feelings to last. You wanted to take it slow.

You took two deep slow breaths as his fingers continued to brush against your skin, rising higher with each pass. After your last breath was expelled, you stood up and reached out for his hand. 

He looked up at you and laced his fingers with yours as he stood up. You led him into your bedroom and he gently closed the door behind him. Then he spun you into his arms and kissed you lovingly on the forehead. A small smile spread across your face and you felt all of your anxiety fall away. Dean leaned down, pressed his lips against yours, and walked you gradually back to the bed. You felt the back of your legs hit the mattress as Dean bent over and swooped your legs up into his arms, your body embraced against his warm torso. He delicately placed you onto the mattress as he bent over and softly kissed your lips again before laying down on the bed next to you.

You rolled towards him and draped one leg over his. He rolled towards you, wrapping an arm around you, pulling you closer to him. His hand skimmed across your side and around to graze the small of your back. The roughness of his hand as it slid across your soft skin created goosebumps all over your body. Your lips mingled together, interlocking and blending, pushed against each other with an increasing desire to taste more. His fingertips traced a trail up your spine and with one swift flick, he unhooked your bra.

His fingertips danced their way down to the hem of your shirt and you both sat up as he lifted it up over your head. You felt an exhilarating tingle run up your spine as his hand brushed your hair off your shoulder and his fingers pushed your bra strap down, then repeated the action on the other side. He watched as the silk and lace fell away to reveal your naked chest. His eyes glided over your skin as if he was studying an ancient incantation, trying to memorize letter by letter, inch by inch.

Your hands bunched in the fabric of his shirt as you pulled him, crashing into your lips. As your fingers made contact with the skin of his abdomen a moan fell from his lips. You pulled his shirt up over his head and as his arms dropped back down you leaned forward and delicately kissed his collarbone. Your soft kisses butterflied over his skin, making contact with each freckle. As your kisses trailed up his neck, he closed his eyes and tilted his head to provide easier access. Once you had categorized every freckle on his neck, your mouth blazed a trail to his ear. Your lips tugged on his earlobe and you purred into his ear. “I’m all yours Dean.”

As you both laid wrapped in each other’s arms, completely spent, you realized this was it. This was goodbye. In the morning you would wake up, tell him you wanted him to stay, that you couldn’t go with him, and then you would never see him again. Not only that, he knew it. You didn’t even have to say the words. You could tell by his actions that he knew you were not going with him. Your heart hurt and tears began to fall down your face. Silently you laid there, crying until you drifted off to sleep; hoping to wake up still wrapped in his arms, knowing that you wouldn’t. Knowing in the morning he would be gone and you would be left with a hole in your heart. Desperately hoping you were wrong.

Just as the tiniest flicker of daylight started to seep into the room, you woke. You knew without even opening your eyes that Dean wasn’t lying next to you anymore. You pulled your knees up to your chest and hugged them tightly. You tucked your head under the blankets and let the pain consume you. You let the tears fall until there were no more tears within you. Rolling out of the tear-soaked spot on the pillow, the crinkle of paper against your cheek caused you to open your eyes in surprise. 

You sat up and stared down at the crumpled piece of paper lying on the pillows on your bed. You were completely shocked. You didn’t expect him to leave you any sign of goodbye, but then again if you really thought about it, of course, he would. That’s Dean. Always making sure that those he cares about were okay. You picked it up and traced the writing on the front of the folder paper. Y/N in Dean’s handwriting. You were scared to read it. It could hurt you more, it could forever make you want nothing to do with Dean. But then again, it’s Dean. He would never intentionally hurt you. He cared too deeply about you to do that. 

You lifted the paper to your nose and tried to see if any hint of Dean lingered. You could swear you could smell the slightest hint of him, but it could have just been in your head. You took a deep breath and steadied yourself before you slowly unfolded the parchment to see more ink across the paper. His writing. He sat here as you slept and wrote these words, knowing that it would be the first thing you saw when you woke and the last thing he would ever say to you. The tears flooded your eyes again and you set the letter down as it all overwhelmed you again. He was gone forever and all you were left with was ink and paper. You couldn’t bring yourself to read the letter, but it didn’t matter what he wrote, it would never be enough to replace the void in your heart.


	12. Been There, Done That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: Been There, Done That-Luke Bryan, Album: Tailgates and Tanlines

Been There, Done That

You folded the letter closed and laid it on your nightstand. All day Sunday, you spent the day in bed, crying yourself in and out of sleep, exhausted from the overwhelming pain you felt knowing that Dean was no longer a part of your life. When Jo called to find out if you had heard from the boys, you didn’t even hear the phone ring; not that you would have answered if you did. It must have been about mid-day when you crawled out of bed and made your way to the kitchen. You weren’t hungry, but your throat was dry and rough. You opened the freezer and decided on some water and the pint of ice cream you bought for the next time you had your period. Grabbing both you headed back to bed.

After the sun went down, you realized this wasn’t one of those breakups that you were going to get over in a day and you were scheduled to work tomorrow. Luckily, you were close with your boss, your work schedule is flexible, and you have saved up some time off. You called work and scheduled the next week of work off with no issues. After getting off the phone with work, you saw that Jo had tried to call you. You couldn’t help but wonder if she knew what happened or if she was calling to find out if you knew why the boys never showed. You couldn’t bear the thought of having to talk to her about it at this point, so you sent her a quick text.

“Sorry I missed your call. Hope everything is good with you. Will talk soon.” You knew it was a crappy text but couldn’t have her trying to call you again and didn’t want to dismiss her entirely.

Feeling even worse for not being able to talk to Jo about what happened, you grabbed a bottle of wine, a glass, and a blanket and headed to the couch to watch some chick flicks, crying yourself to sleep. You spent the next few days refusing to leave your apartment for anything. Most of your time was spent drifting in and out of dreams about Dean and kicking yourself for not jumping at the chance to run off with him when offered the adventure of a lifetime. In hindsight, you knew that you loved him more than you had ever loved anyone and should have believed him or at least believed in him enough to not question what he believed. 

After a few days, you started to comprehend that no matter how much you kicked yourself or made yourself cry, it wasn’t going to change anything. You tried to do a few things around the apartment, but everywhere you looked there were reminders of Dean; the half-eaten pie in the fridge, the crumpled up flannel on your bedroom floor, the pizza box and movie from the night he was there, the AC/DC cassette tape on your kitchen counter, all the little things that otherwise wouldn’t bother you at all now seem so very painful to look at.

On Sunday, you decided it was time to try a new tactic. You cleaned yourself up some and went shopping. Hopeful that getting out of the apartment will get Dean off of your mind and help you feel better, but it was hopeless. Even though you were able to spend the majority of the day burying yourself in the euphoria of a shopping spree, you still had to return home that night to your apartment, and all the thoughts and emotions came rushing back at you the moment you walked in your front door. Those feelings solidified your next move. Monday morning it was time to go back to work.

The next morning, you woke up, got dressed and walked into work determined to completely change your focus. You would drown yourself in projects and overtime hours at work and make sure that you were too exhausted when you went home to even think about Dean for a second. At first, it seemed like your plan just might work. Monday you worked a full twelve-hour shift to catch up on all of the work you missed the previous week while you were out. You were so focused on your cases, that Dean barely crossed your mind all day and by the time you got home, you were too tired to do anything but crash.

On Tuesday, you worked a ten-hour shift and for the most part, your plan seemed to still be working. Okay, if you were being truly honest there were a few times Dean crept into your thoughts but you were quickly able to refocus and dive back into work. I mean who could blame you, though. Your client walked in that day reeking of whiskey and when he left you swore you heard the purr of the engine of a muscle car, that just screams think about Dean. 

Each day it got harder to keep Dean out of your thoughts. On Wednesday, your client was based out of Kansas and all day long your mind kept floating to Dean. Thoughts about what he might be doing, if he was doing okay, and if he was thinking about you, kept begging for your attention. By Thursday, the workload had dwindled down and your boss had informed you he didn’t have any further overtime hours available for you and perhaps you should ask around if anyone has any volunteer work you could help with.

That night you found yourself sitting on the edge of your bed, tears threatening to fall down your cheeks as you held the letter that Dean had left for you. Perhaps reading the letter would quench the curiosity that kept nagging at you, but the risk that it could also send you spiraling into depression was enough to keep you from opening it. You clutched the letter to your chest, needing to feel closer, needing the connection with the one thing you had left of Dean. It felt like hope, like a promise that things weren’t done, like the potential of meeting again someday. Reading it would either solidify those feelings or crush them to oblivion and it was a risk you weren’t willing to take. You fell asleep holding the letter against your heart not wanting to be separated from it.

Friday, you went into work and your boss immediately pulled you into his office.

“Y/N, I’m concerned about you,” he began. “You took a week off work and then came in and tried to hide in your work. I’m not sure what is going on but I hope you know whatever it is you can talk to me about it.”

“I know, Chuck. I was trying to figure some things out before I talked to you. I’m sorry if I had you worried.” You said, with sadness in your voice.

“It’s okay Y/N. Whenever you’re ready to talk, I will be here.” Chuck consoled you, softly.

“It’s…well…it’s Dean. We kinda broke up I guess, but not exactly. He just left and I know he isn’t coming back. I’ve messed it all up and now I’m a mess. I thought if I was busy enough I could get through it, but it’s not working.” You said, as your eyes started to water.

“Y/N, it’s up to you what you decide to do, but it sounds like you need to talk to him and get closure if it’s over. Look, the work volume is way down. Why don’t you take a personal day today and Monday and get back to me on Tuesday with how things are going? Don’t come back in until you have gotten everything straightened out, though. Okay?” Chuck offered.

“Are you sure you don’t need me here? I mean, I’d be okay. I can power through and just distract myself,” you disputed.

“Yes, I’m sure. Go. Talk to him. Find out what you want to do, then call me.” Chuck ordered, smiling.

“Okay, thanks, Chuck,” you smiled back as you gathered yourself up and headed out to your car.

On the way to your car, you texted Jo. You understood her being frustrated for the dinner plans falling through and for you not contacting her back after she tried to call you the other night, but two weeks without her trying to contact you again seemed a bit much and you were starting to get concerned you had pissed her off.

“Hey! Wanna get together for coffee or something? I need to talk to you,” you sent to her and shoved your phone back into your pocket.

When you got back to your place, you got out of the car and checked your cell. There was no response. Jo never took that long to get back to you, ever. You dialed her number, the phone rang once, then cut to a recording. Her phone was no longer in service. That was weird and had you confused. You tried Ellen. Her phone wasn’t in service either. Okay, that was really odd. You swallowed the lump growing in your throat and got back in your car. Your hands were sweating and wringing the steering wheel nervously as you drove out to The Roadhouse. 

Turning the bend into the parking lot of The Roadhouse, your heart shattered into a million pieces at the sight in front of you. You stepped on the brake, put the car in park and just sat there stunned for a moment. The Roadhouse was gone, completely burned to the ground. You couldn’t wrap your mind around it. You couldn’t get yourself to believe that what you were seeing was real. You mindlessly stepped out of your car and walked up to the edge of where the bar once stood.

You fell to your knees and reached down and ran your hand through the ashes. Tears fell down your face in waves as memories came rushing at you. You had practically grown up at this bar. You and Jo used to sit in the booths drinking Shirley Temples and working on homework together. You had both carved your names into the table that you had proclaimed as yours. When you were both finally twenty-one, Ellen threw a huge party at the bar for both of you. The memories that you had made in that bar were endless. First kisses, first drinks, first dates, first goodbyes, first broken hearts, first hookups, first hangovers, first crushes, and first loves were all etched into the very soul that was The Roadhouse and now it was gone, nothing but dust and ashes in its place.

Then, you remembered the reason why you were there. You started panicking. You didn’t want to piece them together but it couldn’t just be a coincidence that The Roadhouse was gone and you couldn’t reach Jo or Ellen.

Through tear-soaked eyes, you shakily lifted your phone and found the phone number you had for Dean. You didn’t want to talk to him without reading the letter but the boys were the only ones who might be able to tell you what happened and if Jo and Ellen were okay. You didn’t know who else to call or what to do. You needed them.

“Y/N! It’s so great to hear from you!” Sam beamed into the phone.

“Sam…,” you shakily responded through the tears.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Sam’s voice suddenly was full of worry and concern.

“They’re…It’s…g-gone…The….The Road…Ell…Jo…,” you stammered unable to form full sentences. “I-I don’t know.”

“I know,” Sam replied, solemnly. “Where are you at, Y/N?”

“There…,” your voice quivered as you sniffled trying to calm yourself.

“Okay, Y/N. I understand this isn’t easy, but I need for you to pull yourself together. I can explain everything to you, but not like this, not over the phone, and I can’t come to you right now. I’m dealing with an issue here that needs my attention. Actually, this is something I could use your help with. So…if you can get yourself together and are up for it, I would appreciate if you could meet me.” Sam requested.

You sucked in a few shaky breaths as you dried your eyes and answered, “Ok, Sam. For you, I’ll try.”

In all honesty, for Sam, you’d do just about anything. All he had to do was ask. His voice was always gentle and kind and you knew he would move the earth for you if you ever asked him to. So, if Sam asked for you to be strong and calm yourself so that you could meet him to help him with something, that was exactly what you were going to do.

“That’s the Y/N I know,” Sam praised you for your efforts. “Now, take a few more deep breaths, dry your eyes, summon all of your strength and go pack a bag, then meet me at the address that I text to your phone.”

“Okay,” you replied, the strength starting to return to your voice.

“Oh, and Y/N, thank you. I will see you in a few days.” Sam said, with gratitude.

“See you soon, Sam,” you responded, feeling slightly better knowing that you were headed towards an answer to what happened.

You took a few more deep breaths, letting them out slowly as you stood up, you brushed yourself off, and got back in your car. You drove back to your apartment, packed an overnight bag as well as a box of things you knew you would want with if the visit got extended. As you scanned your apartment making sure you had everything you would need, your eyes landed on the note on your nightstand. You picked it up, thought about taking the time to read it, but decided not to as it sounded like Sam could use you there as soon as possible. You placed the letter on top of the other items in your box and loaded up your car.

You programmed the address Sam texted you into the GPS on your phone, started up the engine, and were on your way. You stopped at the gas station to fill your tank and grab a soda, some candy and one of those gas station burritos that tastes good but does a number on your stomach every time. 

You flip through the radio stations looking for one playing something that will lift your spirits. As you scan, you recognize one of the songs on the radio and turn the volume up as you drive into the night. The song Too Damn Young by Luke Bryan blared through your speakers and you couldn’t help but think about Dean. You wondered if he thought about you whenever he heard this song. You couldn’t help but wonder if his heart hurts each time the memory of that night runs through his mind like yours does. You couldn’t help but remember the way everything seemed so simple then, so black and white. Your eyes started to water and then the song changed to yet another Luke Bryan song. This time Been There Done That played through the speakers and you found yourself getting angry at Dean for leaving, for giving up, and then the heartbreak you’d been holding back since he left broke through and tears started streaming down your face.

As you left city limits, you rolled down your windows, trying to let the music and the feeling of the fresh air blow away all of your pain and sadness. Then the wind rushed through the car, picking up the letter that laid on the top of the box and tumbled it around the interior. It unfolded as it furled around, distracting you from your thoughts and from the road in front of you. Then it landed flat against the inside of your windshield blocking your view entirely. As you reached for it to move it out of your way, you heard the blast of a truck’s horn. You slammed on your breaks but it was too late. Metal screeched as rubber burned skid marks against the pavement. Glass shattered as your car went rolling, silver underside looking up towards the stars. Intense pain then everything went black.

When you came to you were pinned in place and was unable to get free. Your chest felt like it was on fire and it was very difficult to breathe in more than short gasps. You could feel liquid streaming down your face and aren’t sure if it’s tears or something else. You lifted your hand to wipe your face and when you pulled it away it was stained red. You slowly scan the wreckage surrounding you. The car was right side up but was distorted and your belongings were scattered all over the place. Your cell phone was nowhere in sight which probably meant that it went flying far out of your reach when you crashed. You looked down and saw your other hand gripped tightly to the letter. You lifted it up, scanned it over noticing for the first time the stain from a whiskey glass and the stains left from a couple of tears wiped away, and now blood splatters and smears were added on top of that making the words a little hard to see but through it all, you read…

Y/N,  
I sit here watching you sleep, wishing I could tell you this in another way; wishing I didn’t have to leave without a proper goodbye. However, I know that if I wake you up to say goodbye it will be forever. I’ve been there and done that before and I can’t do it again. I know that you are happy with your life as it is and I can’t stay. It would put you in harm’s way. Even though it pains me to do so, I have to leave. Sam needs my help. He’s fighting a battle he cannot win alone. I hope one day to meet back up with you to answer all of your questions and tell you everything that you mean to me. For now, please know that all I want is for you to be happy. If you ever need anything, and I mean Anything, please call me. I will be there for you, always and forever.  
Love,  
Dean

You felt your eyes get heavier, tears flowed down your cheeks, as you wished you had a way to tell Dean everything you felt for him. As you read the last line of the letter, you couldn’t keep your eyes open any longer and your world went dark again, for the last time, knowing that Dean would never know that he was the love of your life and you would have given up the world for him and you thought perhaps, in a strange kind of way, you just did.


End file.
